I am…

Do You Recognise These Lines?

They're from the beautiful poem

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

She offers inspiring and expansive metaphors about how we could be perceived after death.

In life, have you ever noticed how easy it can be to slip into defining yourself in narrow ways?

Do you ever feel you're stuck in one story about who you are?

Embracing the Dualities Within: Navigating Our Complex Nature

As humans, we are full of contradictions. We are both the wounded and the healer, struggling and resilient, simultaneously experiencing vulnerability and strength. We can be the breath that trembles and the breath that steadies, the wound that bleeds and the scar that forms. In many ways, we are the tear that falls and the hand that gently wipes it away - we can be both lost and finding our way at the same time.

One of the complexities of being human is that vulnerability and resilience coexist. We can embody both pain and healing, darkness and light, all at once. But so often, we become so zoomed in on one part of ourselves - our role, our past mistake, or a single version of our story  - that we forget the bigger picture.

The Psychological Practice of ‘Zooming Out’

In psychological terms, zooming in often happens when we become too identified with one aspect of ourselves, one challenge, or one narrative. We may fixate on one mistake, one failure, or one period of hardship, and it can feel as though that’s all we are. But when we zoom out, we allow ourselves the space to see the full landscape of who we are. This broader perspective helps us recognise that our identity is not limited to a single moment or experience—it’s made up of multiple layers, contradictions, and stories.

Zooming out allows us to reconnect with the idea that we are not just one fixed thing, but a whole, shifting landscape of strengths, vulnerabilities, contradictions, and complexities. Just as nature is not defined by any single part of itself, neither are we. The tree that loses its leaves is not diminished; it is still alive, adapting, and evolving.

Strength, Vulnerability, and Accountability

As we navigate this internal landscape, we also need to remember that we are shaped by forces beyond our control* Just as parts of the natural world face forces beyond their control - whether that’s weather patterns, natural disasters, or the actions of others - we, too, are affected by things outside our sphere of influence. There are moments in life when we feel the impact of these forces - whether that is through health the impact on us of others’ behaviour, unforeseen changes or health struggles.

However, within us lies the strength of nature itself. Just as the ocean adapts to both gentle waves and violent storms, we too are resilient. We possess an inherent ability to heal and grow. The sky, no matter how often it is clouded over or stormy, remains steady. It is never defined by a single storm or cloud—it is expansive, constant, and vast, holding space for all the weather within it.

This ability to adapt and heal is not to be confused with avoiding responsibility. In fact, acknowledging our contradictions - our strengths and our vulnerabilities - requires us to also take accountability for the ways we affect others and ourselves. Healing doesn’t mean bypassing responsibility; it means learning from our actions, taking ownership, and choosing a more compassionate path forward.

The Power of Self-Compassion in Complexity

Part of our human experience is the internal conflict between our strengths and weaknesses, our actions and consequences. Yet, these aren’t opposing forces; they exist together, and it’s through self-compassion that we can begin to hold them both. We can recognise the parts of us that have hurt or been hurt, while also acknowledging the immense capacity we have for growth and change.

When we zoom out, we can hold space for all of who we are - our brokenness and our healing, our fears and our courage, our failures and our successes. Just as the sky holds both a raging storm and a gentle sunrise, we, too, can hold these opposites within ourselves. And in doing so, we allow self-validation to take root, without needing constant external affirmation.

This self-compassionate witnessing allows us to accept our complexity and contradictions, without forcing them into neat categories or rigid definitions.

The Invitation to Embrace Your Inner Landscape

Now, I invite you to reflect on the full scope of who you are. What contradictions do you carry? What are the hidden parts of yourself - strengths, vulnerabilities, stories - that you may have overlooked or minimised?

Ask yourself:

• What stories have I told myself about who I am?

• What do I believe I can’t be, and why?

• What would it mean to accept my contradictions, and what if my strength and softness can both be true?

• Where in my life do I recognise that I have been more than one thing at once?

• How does nature teach me about holding more than one truth at once?

• What parts of myself am I not noticing?

• How would I feel different if I gave myself permission to be less defined and more complex?

Asking these questions can help you zoom out from narrow self-definitions and see the full picture of your identity. Instead of being defined by only one part of yourself, you can embrace the whole, just as nature embraces all its seasons, cycles, and contradictions.

Conclusion: The Resilience to Adapt and Evolve

As you reflect on these questions, remember that you have the capacity to weather the storm and adapt to changing conditions. The challenges and pain you face don’t define you. Just as nature holds its contradictions - the calm and the chaos, the light and the dark - you, too, hold both the broken and the whole within you. Embrace both sides of your nature, and recognise that, like the natural world, you have the power to evolve, adapt, and heal.

Through this process, you are not only growing - you are becoming more whole, more compassionate, and more present with yourself. You are learning to accept your contradictions and, in doing so, finding strength in your vulnerability, healing in your pain, and peace in your complexity.