Awareness Alone doesn’t place you on a New Path
In a space where alternative paths become visible, the invitation for change is there.
Awareness isn’t the Solution
- it’s only the Invitation.
You Can’t Walk the Path of Change for Anyone Else
Change is a path that can only be walked - not one a person can be carried or dragged onto.
Even if someone tells you they’re unhappy on the path they’re on, the steps toward a new one still have to be their own.
When we witness someone’s struggle or pain, it’s only natural to want to help - to show them that another path exists, to point them toward the possibility of a different way.
But this is the heart of a reality we’re often resistance to facing - especially when we care deeply and want to support someone we love.
Real change can only ever be self-directed.
Change requires someone to take their own steps onto new ground - and you can’t move their feet for them.
Change is an inside job.
You can offer your hand. You can walk beside them. You can support their awareness.
But all the awareness and hand-holding in the world won’t create change unless they’re willing to step into it.
Insight: The Click Moment
You know that moment in therapy, or after deep reflection, when something finally clicks? Like, “Ohhh…I shut down when I feel overwhelmed.” Or, “I pull away to protect myself from feeling too vulnerable.” Or, “I people-please to attempt to avoid rejection and loss.”
And then comes the insight into the impact - “I’m giving the impression to my partner that their feelings don’t matter to me,” or “I’m creating barriers that make connection harder,” or “I’m abandoning myself and my needs to feel seen, heard and valued.”
And then comes the question:
Okay, so now what?
Choice
We often assume that awareness will naturally lead to change - that once we see it, we’ll stop doing it.
But what awareness really offers is something deeper than surface level change. It gives you choice.
Here’s the thing though - when you’ve experienced trauma, choice doesn’t always feel easy. It can feel paralysing. Even impossible. That’s something to recognise - and approach gently.
Awareness isn’t a magic fix - it’s a recognition of what’s happening, and of a wider range of potential responses available to you.
Practice
Keep noticing. Keep choosing.
You might still shut down. You might still feel the pull to distance yourself, or to self-abandon.
Recognising that your instinct is to respond in this way doesn’t make the urge just disappear.
But now you know you’re doing it - and that growing awareness gives you the opportunity to choose differently. Even if it’s only incrementally, a small step at a time.
You begin to see how these old responses - while they may have once met an immediate need for safety or protection - can also disconnect you from your deeper needs. Those for connection, trust and self-respect.
Beware of shame
Awareness can turn into shame if we’re not careful. It’s easy to feel like,
“I see it, but I can’t change it. I’m stuck.”
The danger with awareness is how easily it can morph into shame - especially when we’re reflecting on the ways we have or haven’t shown up, for ourselves or others.
There’s an important difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt says: I feel bad about how I behaved. I want to make it right. I want to act more in alignment with my values and deeper needs. This behaviour doesn’t reflect who I truly am - I want to show up in a way that better embodies that. I’m trying to navigate differently now - to steer myself back toward the direction of my inner compass.
But shame says: I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I shouldn’t even try. I’ll only make things worse if I do.
Shame can create a painful distance between us and the people around us because it blocks our ability to act with care. At its worst, it cuts us off from being able to accept or appreciate the care of others. It shuts down our openness to action, leaving us feeling disconnected and out of alignment with our own self-value and that of others.
But here’s where the shift happens:
Shame thrives on inaction.
The way out of shame is through small steps - even imperfect ones.
Change isn’t about aiming for perfection. It’s about trying new ways of being, and learning from what they reveal.
Awareness doesn’t stop the pattern. But it creates space for a pause - and within that pause, the possibility to practise a different response.
When we take different actions - one’s more aligned with our values and needs, rather than just our immediate desire for safety or control - we begin to shift.
The old habits and defences may feel comfortably familiar. But they often come at a high cost.
They can disconnect us from what we most deeply, humanly long for: connection and authenticity.
Prioritise what matters
As we begin making new choices - and noticing their impact - it becomes easier to recognise how the old patterns no longer serve us.
We can thank those patterns for their efforts in trying to protect us - and gently remind them: we’re choosing a different way now.
A way that doesn’t run on autopilot.
A way that doesn’t let fear steer the wheel.
A way that connects us to what we truly care about.
That moment of realisation? Where our awareness signals to us: It’s happening again.
That’s the fork in the road. That’s the doorway to change.
The moment where you can pause - and take a step in a different direction.
What’s something that you’ve become more aware of lately?
How are you practising choosing differently?